Angel sat down on his bed and tried to think of anything but Willow’s visit and the news she’d brought with her.
Buffy was dead.
His Buffy….
She was gone.
And he felt like it was his fault.
He’d given up a normal life with her to keep her safe…. To keep her alive.
And he’d failed her.
His soul ached. His heart hurt. His brain stopped functioning when her name came to his mind. A part of him was missing and he felt it.
There was a soft knock on his door and Cordelia walked in. “Angel?” He saw the tears glistening on her cheeks. “I, uh….”
“I don’t want to talk Cordelia.”
Cordelia nodded. “I brought you the mail.” She wiped away her tears and laid the mail on his table.
When the door shut, a larger envelope fell to the floor. Angel wanted to ignore it, but something drew him to it. He stood up and slowly walked over to it.
The handwriting was from the grave.
Angel couldn’t believe his eyes. He picked up the envelope and looked at it.
It was her handwriting.
Angel ripped open the envelope and a CD case fell out on the floor. He picked it up and looked at it. It was a small case, one you could buy in packs for burned CDs. Inside was a plain white CD that said To Angel and a folded up piece of notebook paper.
He opened the case and pulled out the paper.
​
​
My dearest Angel,
Yeah, so there won’t be any hellos in this letter. This is goodbye.
Maybe I’ll make it through this thing, but who am I kidding? Glory is a god. I’m just a Slayer. What kind of impact could I possibly make?
So, I want you to know that I love you. I never stopped.
I couldn’t.
Riley knew that. I feel so guilty for the things I did to him. I tried to love him, but my heart was so full of you, I couldn’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you.
I’m thanking you.
Most people don’t find the kind of love we have. Most people go through life searching for even a small amount of our love. Slayers don’t live long, so they have less of a chance to find any kind of love. I am so, so very grateful you came into my life. You made it worth the fight. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
I love you.
Forever yours,
Buffy Summers
PS Please put the CD in and listen to it. I hope that maybe it’ll make this goodbye easier for you.
​
​
Angel stared at the CD case through his tears. This letter…. The CD…. It was the last thing he had of Buffy.
And he didn’t know what to do with it.
She was telling him what to do, but his brain couldn’t figure out how to tell his body to do it.
As if by magic, the music started playing. His body had somehow done what his brain couldn’t tell it to do.
The song was one he’d heard a thousand times before. He had been around when it had first come out on the radio waves.
But it was as if he was hearing it for the first time right now.
As the music floated into his ears and he read the last line of the letter, his knees gave out and he fell to the floor, sobbing.
I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.
In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.
I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.
PPS Goodbye for now, Angel. I’ll be seeing you.